


Commitment isn’t Fun

by sinonic



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Bickering, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Sylvain Jose Gautier Being An Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 20:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21203255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinonic/pseuds/sinonic
Summary: Sylvain turns to Felix for help when he needs to dump a girl. This entails a whole lot of bickering and a fake dating au.





	Commitment isn’t Fun

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first three houses fanfic and i wrote it while recovering from an all nighter + hangover. enjoy.

If there was one thing that Sylvain knew, it was not to fuck with Felix. Unfortunately for Felix, Sylvain wasn’t one to listen — even if the person he was meant to be listening to was himself. “So, Felix—“

“Get lost, Sylvain,” he said, slashing at the training dummy with his sword. “I’m busy.”

At this point, any normal person would apologise and let the man train in peace. However, Sylvain was no normal person.

“Why are you like this?” Sylvain groaned and rubbed his head. “You’re making me pull a brain muscle.”

Felix stopped hacking at the dummy and spun on his heel to look at Sylvain. “. . . brains don’t have muscles.”

“Maybe yours doesn’t.”

“If Seiros put me in your life to knock some fucking sense into you,” Felix rolled his eyes and sheathed his sword, “then I’d honestly rather have a heart attack than deal with that.”

Sylvain put a hand to his chest and feigned hurt. “Don’t you need a heart to have one of those?”

A beat.

“Just get to the point.”

“Okay, okay,” Sylvain held his hands up in mock-surrender, “I need a favour.”

“No.”

“You haven’t even let me—“

“I’m not doing anything for you,” Felix deadpanned. “Putting up with you is enough.”

“Maybe I can sweeten the deal?”

“How?”

Sylvain paused. “A new sword?”

“Sylvain, I don’t need—“

“I’ll leave you alone?”

“. . . tempting.”

Sylvain grinned. “Okay, perfect. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend—“

“Excuse me?”

“Okay, I know how this sounds—“

“Are you sure?” Felix said. “Because to me, it sounds like you just asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend.”

“I did.”

“You can’t keep using us all to dump girls for you—”

Unfortunately for Felix, that was exactly how he ended up drinking tea with Sylvain ten minutes later. “I hate you.”

Sylvain simply ignored him. “How’s my hair?”

“Fine. Still red.”

“Funny. I was worried about that,” Sylvain said, pushing a few strands out of his eyes. “There she is — act natural.”

A girl approached the table — seemingly the one whose heart was about to be broken — and frowned when she saw Felix. “Who’s this?”

“Felix.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Don’t worry about him,” Sylvain winked. “He’s just lonely.”

Felix glared.

“I’ll go order — be back in a second!” Sylvain rose from the table and ran over to the kitchen. Felix twiddled his thumbs.

“So—“

“Don’t talk to me,” Felix said, picking at his fingernails. The girl glared at him. Felix glared back.

Sylvain sat back down at the table with a single glass of boba in hand — however, instead of one straw, there were two.

The girl blushed. “Sylvain, that’s—“

Sylvain put both straws in his mouth. “Watch how fast I can drink this.”

“Uh—“ The table was silent as Sylvain slurped the entirety of the drink. The girl couldn’t quite believe her eyes.

Felix was so used to Sylvain that he was completely unfazed. “He’s like this all the time. You might want to get used to it.”

Sylvain finished the boba. “Where were we?” he asked, initiating eye contact. It lasted for approximately three seconds before Felix slurped his own tea loudly.

“We’re having a moment here!” The girl snapped.

“. . . and I’m having tea. Your point?”

“W-why are you even—“

“Sitting here?” Felix sighed. “Sylvain, just tell her.”

“. . .”

“Sylvain—“

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“W— Excuse me?”

“Yeah — that’s why I invited you here.” Sylvain reached over and grasped Felix’s hand, who gritted his teeth in response. “We’ve been dating for a while now.”

“I— you—“ The girl was at a loss for words. “What?”

Sylvain apologised. It wasn’t sincere, and he got slapped directly across the face because of it. Felix thought he deserved it, which — to be fair — he probably did.

As soon as she was gone and out of eyesight, Felix ripped his hand out of Sylvain’s grasp. “What do you even get out of all this?”

Sylvain didn’t see himself as a player. Okay, maybe he was a slight player. And a flirt — but he couldn’t help it! Flirting was fun. “Flirting is fun.”

“And commitment is not?”

“Precisely!” Sylvain put his arms behind his head. “I knew you’d get it, Felix.”

“You’re insufferable—“

Sylvain winked. “You love it.”

Felix groaned and let his head fall into his hands. “You’re an asshole.”


End file.
